Have you ever had one of those days where you just hate yourself? When all you can think about is all your damn faults and every mistake you've ever made and worry about the ones you are going to make in the future? When even just looking at your reflection in the mirror brings on a wave of self-loathing and disgust?
That is how my day has been playing out. At turns I'm just mildly annoyed and then all of a sudden it's tears and bouts of misery and self-pity. And all of this carrying on (which I'm well aware is stupid and unwarranted) just creates more fodder for me to get upset about. It truly is a vicious cycle.
Now, in my defense, days like this used to be a regular occurrence for me (perhaps once a week or so), but I have not had one in a couple years. In general the past couple years, I've been pretty content with life, and when I haven't been, I changed things. So why now? Why today? Damned if I know what triggered this. I woke up in the morning miserable, and have wallowed in it since; not getting dressed, not doing any of the things I need to do, and not even turning on a light in the house. This however will have to end soon, considering I have to be at work this evening for a night shift.... *sigh* Just to add insult to injury...
So I say to myself "SNAP OUT OF IT!!!" but I'm still working on it. While I emotionally feel like I have as much self worth as a piece of nastiness that someone was unfortunate enough to step on on their way to work, intellectually I know that isn't so. But it is the curse of the female to have her intelligence outweighed by her emotions. That discussion, however, is for another day.
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