Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Weighed down

I've got a lot on my mind as of late. Beside my fam coming down this weekend and jumping through hoops to make the apartment livable for anyone but myself, there's also the usual financial concers, and my grandmother's health. All of this has gotten me feeling (and yes, I hate to admit this) a bit homesick.
I feel guilty as hell that I'm not back home to help my mom and my aunt with the responsibilities of my grandparents. Added to that, it's just uncomfortable for me to leave it up to them to handle when in all honesty, I have more experience in the matter than they do. Whenever it comes down to the serious health issues in my grandparents' lives, I step and take over. Not being able to do that now has me feeling pretty shitty about things. Plus I can't see for myself what's going on. I hear these horror stories of how swollen my grandmother is, to the point that her skin has torn and she's oozing. The open sores have now gotten infected, just to make it all worse. And when I talk to her on the phone, so much of the animation that's usually there is gone. It breaks my heart.
I would love to go back in time, when money wasn't an issue and neither was the health of my loved ones. But it's an impossibility.
For now I'll concentrate on the moment and do what I can from here.

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