Another

"We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from life..." -William Osler
How true! How many times do we go through life searching or waiting for something to happen? Why? It's stupid. Life is yours, so you have to add the substance. You want happiness in your life, you need to project it. You want adventure, go find some. You want peace, make it. It's all up to us. Very humbling and overwhelming, yet isn't it great? To have all that freedom and choice and ABILITY to make what we want for ourselves. You want to make a difference, than don't walk around unaware and ignorant of the strife around you. Frankly, it's goddamn liberating to know your life is truly YOURS. The day you are born and that cord is cut, you're on your own. Really, is that not the best gift?

A thought to ponder

Just when you think everything's idiot proof, someone comes out with a better idiot....

Getting there

Slowly but surely, things are getting done. After a marathon weekend with my dad and aunt and uncle, my apartment is painted!!! And it looks great if I do say so myself. But talk about exhausting! Everything hurt by the time we were and we were all so pooped on Saturday night that all we could manage was to collapse in heaps in my living room.
Monday the really annoying job became a priority. After waiting for about 4 hours in the Maryland Vehicle Association, I finally have a MD driver's lisence, am registered to vote in the state, and have registered my car with MD plates and everything. Very tedious task, but what a relief that it's now done! That was a chore that I had been dreading and I am thrilled that it's out of the way.
So what's left? Well, furniture for one. I have to get my bedroom set and my dining room table. There's some other stuff that won't be in until August so I'll have to sit tight until then. The biggest challenge is budgetting. Getting paid every 2 weeks has been sucking, espeically since one check goes almost completely to rent and the other 2 bills. So when I actually need to get something (like gas or food) it has to go on a credit card. Which then only results in more bills. It's a vicious cycle really. But one I am determined to break!!!

Weighed down

I've got a lot on my mind as of late. Beside my fam coming down this weekend and jumping through hoops to make the apartment livable for anyone but myself, there's also the usual financial concers, and my grandmother's health. All of this has gotten me feeling (and yes, I hate to admit this) a bit homesick.
I feel guilty as hell that I'm not back home to help my mom and my aunt with the responsibilities of my grandparents. Added to that, it's just uncomfortable for me to leave it up to them to handle when in all honesty, I have more experience in the matter than they do. Whenever it comes down to the serious health issues in my grandparents' lives, I step and take over. Not being able to do that now has me feeling pretty shitty about things. Plus I can't see for myself what's going on. I hear these horror stories of how swollen my grandmother is, to the point that her skin has torn and she's oozing. The open sores have now gotten infected, just to make it all worse. And when I talk to her on the phone, so much of the animation that's usually there is gone. It breaks my heart.
I would love to go back in time, when money wasn't an issue and neither was the health of my loved ones. But it's an impossibility.
For now I'll concentrate on the moment and do what I can from here.